Day 4:Paradise Lost and Found...then lost again.

The day I had been looking forward to the most had finally arrived—the day we were to take a boat 70 miles to sea to be in the middle of nowhere on a beautiful island in the Dry Tortugas. The original plan was to camp one night and return the following day. However, the National Park Service has other ideas as to how many campers they allow to stay in the Dry Tortugas. (Six per boat!!! Next time I will book reservations way ahead of time!)

Waking up at 4:45 a.m. happened as planned. The storm the night before was still lingering around threatening to ruin our day of fun in the sun (as if it and those damn kids didn’t do enough damage stealing my precious sleep!) And speaking of those pesky kids and their loud family…We rolled out of the campground at 5:15 a.m., but not before I stopped my car right by their tent and laid down on my horn (I drive a Honda Civic, by the way, which has one of the most annoying horns on the planet!) and rolled down my window and yelled at the top of my lungs, “BOOOOOOOO! AND THERE’S YOUR WAKE UP CALL! HOW DOES IT FEEL?!?” Man, that felt good.

Arriving in Key West, and seeing that a gray sky and random raindrops were still lingering, made my spirits sink just a bit. After we were allowed to board our boat, we had a breakfast buffet of which I took full advantage! I sat staring out the windows and praying for clear weather despite the announcement from the Captain of expectant inclement weather. About 30 minutes after departure from Key West, a storm hit. The sea churned and swirled and threw us about. My stomach lurched and my heart fluttered as if I were on a rollercoaster at Six Flags. It was so much fun! Best Friend and I laughed so hard! After about 20 minutes, it was not so much fun anymore. Too much of a good thing, ya know—like being stuck on the Six Flags coaster.

Way over half of the people on board began vomiting. It was horrible. Tortugas Jack, our colorful and fun crew member began passing out motion sickness bags. I looked at Best Friend who took one from him. I wanted to comfort her, but just looking at her pallid face made me queasy. I took deep breaths and prayed for mercy (later I asked for death but…) and tried to convince myself I would be okay. Then my mouth began to salivate and I knew what was coming I wanted to yell for a bag, but it came out as a whisper. Luckily, a nice lady cried out for me and Tortugas Jack rushed me a bag just in the nick of time. I thought I would need another bag before we reached land again. I buried my face in my hands. All of those visions I had of white sand, snorkeling with the fishes, and wandering an old fort began to slip away. I doubted any paradise would be worth this price.

After an eternity, (about 1 ½ hours later) I heard some lucky bastard who didn’t get sick yell out “Tortugas! Land ho!” I glanced up and saw a horizon that was slanted too much for my taste and buried my face again until I actually felt the boat bump the dock. After a few minutes of deep breaths and re-composure, I stepped off the boat into the warm air. Like a miracle, the gray clouds parted and warm sunshine fell from blue skies. It didn’t take long for me to feel like exploring once I saw the clear, turquoise waters.

Because I’m a bad friend, I left poor Best Friend lying on the beach recovering from the vomit-fest and took to exploring the awesome Fort Jefferson, which took up the majority of the island. It is enormous! In fact, it is the largest brick structure in the Western Hemisphere. Its construction began in 1846 but was never finished and was deemed obsolete with the invention of the rifled canon. The fort became a prison for Civil War deserters and such. The most famous prisoner was Dr. Samuel Mudd, who was convicted of conspiracy in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, after setting John Wilkes Booth’s broken leg. Dr. Mudd was pardoned of his crime by President Johnson after helping and saving numerous lives after a huge Yellow Fever epidemic at the prison.

Later Best Friend felt better and we walked Dr. Mudd’s cell together. We also walked the narrow wall along the moat surrounding the entire fort despite the waves’ attempts to knock us over into the water. Though the skies showed no sign of the early storm, the water was wild and choppy.

It was so choppy that we couldn’t snorkel for the risk of the seas slamming us into the brick moat wall, though we did try. After nearly having my fins and attached feet ripped off by a freak reverse-rip tide, I gave up on seeing the coral reefs and settled for a swim in the water. After lounging, swimming, walking, and exploring in paradise, it was time to leave....via that Godforsaken boat a/k/a The Vomit Comet. I wanted desperately to send for a seaplane except there were no phones. I wanted to just live there permanently but the park rangers said no. ANYTHING but get back on that boat. I jealously watched a beautiful seaplane land on the water as I took my seat on the deck of the boat. I hoped that the Dramamine and ginger ale that Best Friend and I purchased and shared would pull me through the next 2 hours.

It turns out the sea was glass smooth all the way back. It was beautiful and I was amazed at the Flying Fish I saw. I wanted to see more of them but the Dramamine I had (unnecessarily) taken had knocked me out. I slept most of way. I slept so hard that I didn’t even know that the guy whose cooler I had passed out on had come and taken some drinks from it.

I walked in a fog back to my car in the parking garage in Key West. I handed my keys over to Best Friend. I was not capable of driving. This was worse than me on Benadryl. I slept most of the way through the Keys and up to Florida Turnpike waking up only as we stopped to pay tolls and cursing about how this was highway robbery literally and arguing with Best Friend when she said, “It is a little ridiculous but it’s better than hitting that crappy traffic around Miami on 95. Plus it’s not as bad as you think because you are only waking up when we go through the toll plaza.” I mumbled that I thought it was going to cost us $20 before we got off the damn road and began fading back off to the foggy turquoise waters in my mind. The last thing I remember saying was, “That sign says Monkey Jungle. I wonder what is this money jungle. Is it really a jungle and are there really monkeys? Haha. Monkey Jungle.” And I fell back into unconsciousness.

...Until my head was suddenly slammed into my passenger window, where I had happily drooled for hours. I jolted awake to my windshield wipers madly zipping back and forth and Best Friend yelling over and over, “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” I blinked and asked, “It’s okay. What happened?” She replied, “I think I wrecked your car! I think I hit the wall. I didn’t know I was that sleepy, too!” We stepped out and neither of us noticed any damage. I’m awake now and take the keys. The alertness didn’t last for long. I pulled into the very next travel plaza (which are the benefits of paying the ridiculous $20 in tolls) where I planned to refuel and fall immediately asleep in the adjacent rest area. While refueling, Best Friend noticed the huge bulge in my tire. We asked one of the mechanics on duty if he thought it might blow out before I reached Atlanta. Not only did he think it would blow out when it heated up, but that I would slam on my brakes and have a horrendous crash that would kill us and everyone else around us. Not that I needed that much of a visual, but I got the picture and bought a new $100 tire. The mechanic who changed the tire out commented that it looked like the tire had hit a curb or something. Best Friend sighed, “Yeah that would be me.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

Let me just say that the nap in the parking lot was the most refreshing ever. I felt pretty good after that and drove happily along until we made our first stop in Georgia and nearly froze to death as cold winds attacked us when we stepped out of the car. Where did this cold front come from? It was enough to make me want to turn around and head south again. Well, that and the crazy looks I got from everyone when I stepped into the arctic air in my shorts, tank top, and bikini top that I was still wearing.

My first look at the island.

















Walking along the moat wall was fun as along as...







...you watched out for attack waves!












View on top of the fort looking to the opposite side. See how huge it is?







A grim reminder of prisoner's life over Dr. Mudd's cell.












Inside the fort...





















Cuban Refugee boats. Can you believe they risk 90 miles of open sea in these shabby things? It's so sad.







I wanted to take it, but the rules were you can't. I was a good girl for once and left it alone.






























Da plane! Da plane! Oh how I wish it were coming for me.








But instead, I got this! :(









At least it was smooth sailing back home.