Sending out an S.O.S!

It’s that time of year again—the worst part of the school year. I’m afraid I’m going to need a place to vent or else lose my mind. The Outdoorsy Girl’s Adventure Blog may be temporarily featuring more adventures from the classroom than from the outdoors. So I will be depending on you, my blog buddies, for support to get through this very tough time in my life. I know I can count on y’all, right?

The kids have lost all self control, which is especially terrible if the class had very little self control to begin with. They became restless after the Christmas holidays and Spring Break is still an eternity away. They will not listen and follow directions to save their own lives. They can’t even hear my directions because they are so loud. All the noise, noise, NOISE is doing to leave me completely deaf before the end of the year. Truly, it’s an awful, awful time of year. What else can you do when nothing you do, say, or threaten works any more?

I’ve had to come up with a new idea to deal with a serious class issue—tattling! There is nothing more irritating to me than a Tattle Tale. I’ve tried to explain numerous times that events such as someone hurting you, hurting other students, or hurting school property are viable reasons to tell on someone. However, someone sitting in your seat, accidentally spilling milk at lunch, or using a red marker when you think they should use blue are NOT viable reasons. I personally don’t care if someone called you a “cry baby”. (Because you probably are!!) My favorite tattle of all time was the day that a little girl was crying hysterically because one of the other girls told her it wasn’t her birthday (and it really wasn’t her birthday!) It was at that moment that I realized the tattling had reached a new height and must come to a permanent halt! How I really wanted to respond whenever I was approached with that recognizable whiney tone calling out, “Miiiiiss Outdooooorsy Girl….” was, “Are you bleeding? Are you puking? Are you on fire? No? Then I don’t want to hear it!” However, I didn’t think that would be a very good idea to be so blunt with five year olds, so I had to become inventive. Then I introduced the Tattle Bear.

Tattle Bear is an old, brown shaggy friend of mine from my childhood days. Oh, how much fun he was to jump on the bed with! And boy did he love to sit in my lap while I would swing as high as my rusty old swing set would allow! Now, just like me, he’s all grown up and working for a living. His job is as counselor and informant…or so I told the kids.

“Boys and girls, I cannot listen to any more tattling. We have a new friend in the class who will take over that job. He will always listen to you…even if you’re crying because someone told you it’s not your birthday and it’s not really your birthday. And at the end of the day he will tell me all the things that you told him.”

Then I gave them a pop quiz on which circumstances they would be appropriate to tattle to me or to Tattle Bear…

Me: “Someone hits you?”
Kids: “We tell you!”
Me: “Someone calls you a cry baby?”
Kids: “We tell the bear!”
Me: “You see one of your friends breaking the magnet set at the science table?”
Kids: “You!”
Me: “Someone is quietly reading a book instead of writing in their journal?”
Kids: “The bear!”
Me: “Good! Sounds like you understand. Tattle Bear is now on duty!”

Now, can you believe that this is actually working? These little punks are constantly running up to the bear and filling his fuzzy little ear full on nonsense. They actually bend down and whisper to him and then point to the accused as they vividly describe the tattle-worthy deed committed against them.

It is absolutely hilarious! I cannot resist eavesdropping on their confessions. Here are some of the best stories I’ve caught:

“Tattle Bear, I saw B. wipe a booger on one of the paintings at the art easel. Then I looked and it was my painting!”

“E. said that my pants don’t match my shirt but they do! It looks sexy!”

“J. said that my handwriting is ugly because I wrote my “J” backwards and he don’t even know how to write his name because he’s dumb!”

“Hey Tattle Bear, T. just told on me to you!”

“D. said that you are just a dumb old stuffed animal and that you really can’t hear me!”

Apparently I am not exempt from being told on either. One of the boys, wearing quite a scowl upon his face leaned in to Tattle Bear and said, “Ms. OG said that I have to sit with her when we go out for recess for five whole minutes! And just because I threw my chair at T.! Well, I say T. should sit in his own seat but she’s still gonna make me sit with her!”

I know I am cruel. Maybe I should just let loose and let the chairs fly! It’s hard sometimes to have my actions reported to the big, scary bear. Still, I say that it’s a small price to pay to in exchange for a little peace of mind. Whenever I am approached by 20 small, complaining voices all at once, it’s refreshing to be able to say, “Don’t tell me about it. Talk to the bear.” It’s my own twisted version of “talk to the hand.”